NURUL HAMIDAH

I'm sad. I'm sad about myself.

I know i'm being very fucking emo fucker right now.

But fuck off if you think this fucking post is offensive or irritating.

Fuck Off.

Right. I'm mean.

I don't know what i want in life. I don't know what I want.

I don't understand myself. Why am i being like this?

I hate myself.

Sometime I hate all the male species in this world.

I hate hate hate hate them that i think by using them, it'll be more fun.

But I guess, this is what i get in return. Or maybe just my luck.

I'm not saying that I'm using my current boyfriend. Or whatsoever.

Fuck it.

I don't know how to put it in words. It's just  that..

I'm sad. When you really really love that someone,

you expect them to feel the same way for you too.

If you don't get what you want, it's either you'll

a) be mad and stop whatsoever you doing or

b) you'll be mad but continue what you did to improve the situation.

Well for me. Its both. Sometime I have the strong urge to just leave _ ,

But I can't. I don't want to have any regrets anymore.

But when I have the motivation not to give up, I'll end up being hurt.

I'm sad. I really hope I have this invisible bestfriend that I can talk to everyday.

I know I don't believe in bestfriend because you tend to get hurt in the end.

But if your bestfriend is invisible, would you get hurt?

because if you do, they'll fade away..... I know they will.

And i'm sad that this is getting really bad.

I trust him with everything that i got. I love him with everything that i have.

But why are you doing this to me?

I'm not blogging this stupid stuff to make yourself look like a stupid motherfucker fool.

But I'm just sad. If I text you, or even talk to you, I know I'll make things worse,

maybe not me, maybe you. I don't know.

WHEN YOU REALLY REALLY LOVE THAT SOMEONE,

you'll give the best you can, you'll do anything for them(even if it includes money matter)

& You don't  and you won't fucking mind because money doesn't matter for me.

Not that I'm fucking rich or what. Just that i know what my priorities are and i've made up mind about that.

I just wish you would love me like how i love you. I really wish you miss me like how i miss you.

You don't know how i fucking miss you when you're busy doing your job thingy.

You don't know how i suffer.

I can just have sleepness night everyday just to talk to you.

I can just meet you under your void deck if you let me.

But too bad, you're fucking sleepy and all you can think

about is how fucking tired you are and how fucking sleepy you are.

how you fucking work for fucking 6 days without any rest ?

What 6 days?

YEAH FUCKING 6 days. Not even fucking 6 months.

I know i have not been in your fucking shoes or whatever.

& I know i shouldn't complain but fucking remember this,

that you have a gf to take care of. Wtf should i do ?

Wait and be patient ? Eh wait.

I did that. I fucking did that.

I miss you like fucking crazy cb a lot.

But all I get is you fucking showing your fucking tantrum at me.

Not even asking me out on a date on friday, saturday and fucking sunday

or stupid valentine day. No. nothing.

I was the one doing all that.

It was me all along, asking  you out like a stupid loser.

ME MEMEMEMEMEEM !!!!

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.

WHY AM I LIKE THIS.

MOM ONCE TOLD ME TO STICK TO PERSON WHO LOVES YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.

GUESS SHE IS RIGHT. I SHOULD HAVE JUST LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAY.

I KNOW THE TRUTH AND I WILL FOREVER KNOW THE FUCKING TRUTH.

NOT YOU.

BYE.

hahahah the webcam pic very funny hahah so typical horh hahaha.

Anyway, i was bored. So i decided to find old pics so that i can blog.

I miss my babyboy alot. *SIGH*

I wanna go woodlands pasar malam. But too bad, no one wanna teman me.

My Boyfriend is busy, & i think my friends are busy too.

BOOO!

Hopefully by the time you come home or meet me or something,

the pasar malam is still open.

I know i could go on my own and stuff, but wth?

Woodlands isn't near and why in the world should i go

somewhere far just to buy something at the pasar malam, ALONE!

No! So boring, alone, cannot talk, might as well turn into a mute.

Anyway, today is my lucky day, i guess. A few happy news.

But i don't wanna be too happy, because it involves life and death,

so i don't want to be happy yet.

I rather pray and thank god for all this.

You know, I know I don't pray and stuff like that,

but deep down I can't lie to myself, I do believe in GOD.

And......

I pray to him every single night before i go to sleep.

Hehe. I mean not really pray, just ask for .....

Anyway, you know i was born a jinx, okay not really.

But to them, i ain't. I'm their lucky star, and i know i should be happy.

But.. What about me? I'm a bad luck to myself. FUCK ME.

alah you don't understand lah.

okok i GOTTA STUDY FOR MY TOMORROW PRACTICAL EXAM.

aahhhhhh scared to death.

GNITE. (Although its only 7:03pm)

Hi everyone! Life have been so exciting? err i think.

Too many things have happen recently in my life and i don't think i will share it here.

I always think my life is normal, just like any other ordinary girl.

But sometimes, when i snapped out of those "dreams",

when i face reality, when i know the fact that i don't really have that kind of life,

come to think of it, it's kinda sad. I should be in depressed mood right now.

HA!HA! sounds very pathetic isn't it?

Well, i'm lucky to have my dearest boyfriend by my side.

He is the only one who is there for me right now.

Yes, the one and only. Not even any of my family member(not that i care).

I wish i'm staying with him under the same roof.

Only us and no one else.

Because no one really understand us, what we have gone through and stuff.

Its tough to be in a relationship especially with me(i'm very stubborn btw) and him(very-very-damn-fucking-cannot-take-it-hot-hot hot-tempered) in it. (HAHA!)

So those people who thought we only fight and make out after that, well you guys are wrong.

Hahahahahah funnnnny.

Sunday was a very bad day for me, yes very bad. I was so torn into pieces, okay not me,

but my heart was. It hurts very very very much more than anything. (Okay, bedek!)

So anyway, i really hope we learn from it, really...

Please sweetheart, don't do those stuff again okay.

I promise I'll be a good girl from now on. Hehe.

Anyway, i wanna watch johnny depp so badly badly badly so.

But too bad i can't make it today because the next show time is at 9:15pm i think.

BOO! So finally, i get my make-up stuff. *SIGH*

Gotta SAVE from tomorrow.

And I'm gonna miss my sweetheart, he will be away.

for NS from tomorrow till sunday.

HAHAHAHAHAH k lah not NS. just some stuff (not ns!)

HOW.AM.I.GOING.TO.SURVIVE.WITHOUT.HIM.FOR.ONE.WEEK.

Hi.